Christopher's First Marathon

Let's set the scene...it's 5 am on Saturday, 43 degrees out and windy, and Christopher and I are driving out to Seabrook, Galveston for his first marathon! It's early and cold. So here's how it went down...

On the way there, I fall asleep in the car. Christopher got no sleep last night but is having to drive there.

Christopher is in slinky shorts and a thin long sleeve shirt. I'm in Jeans, scarf, gloves, and a huge fur jacket.

When we get there, Christopher eats the bananas that are provided to prepare for the race. I stuff my face with powdered donuts to prepare for HIS race.

Christopher runs 13 miles in the cold. I sit in the car with the heater running.

When we get home, Chritopher makes a protein smoothie. I eat spaghetti and meatballs.

Later on, I fall asleep coz I need a nap. Christopher does some hw.

Is there something wrong with this picture? Lol.

New Job...

Hey everyone. I can't believe it's been 6 months since I've posted an update! Well, even as crazy as this economy has been, I got a job! I just finished my first week. I love this place. It's amazing. It's a natural wellness place and is great! go to www.hotzehwc.com if you want to read more about this place. The people are SUPER friendly, great support, close to home, no weekends, and great benefits! I am so incredibly thankful and happy! I could go on and on about how great life is but I won't bore you guys too much!

I have also finished my 8 tests and passed them all! Go me! I'm just waiting now to get a test date to do my CPNE, which is the skills part of the online program. I have to go to Plano for a weekened to show a medical board that I can do the nursing skills required to get my RN.

So after a pretty tough year in 2008, it looks like 2009 is my year. I'm super excited and incredibly thankful!

I'm not as dumb as I thought...

It's been a LOOONNNGGG time since I have written in here. A lot has happened. I am older and wiser! Haha. Since my last blog, I have turned 23 years old and it's a new year for me, a better year than last year.

Like I last wrote in my other blog, I am still working on the new RN program thru Excelsior. It's 8 classes, self paced...which means I can finish them as fast or slow as I want (I can do it in 3 months or 2 years, depending on how much time I put into the program). It's a test out program. So basically for each class, I study the books then when I am ready, I take a test and "Test Out" of the class and I am done with that class. The self-paced part comes in for each class, because there is no instructor or classtime. So you can go thru the books on your own in one week or one year. I have to do 8 of these tests/classes. I need a minimum grade of 72 to "Test Out". I've already done one and did not just pass, but got an A! Go me! That was great news for me and a real confident booster after having not done well with HESI thru Texas Woman's University and not being able to graduate.

Well, since then, I put the classes on hold with Excelsior to study for my NCLEX - PN. When I did not pass HESI for Texas Woman's University, I did NOT qualify to take the NCLEX- RN to become an RN nurse but I could take the NCLEX-PN to become an LVN.

Let's pause for a minute. So what is the difference you ask? Well, let me give you a run-down on nurses. You have RN, which is your registered nurse. You have a RN-BSN (bachelors) or RN-ADN (associates). The real difference is that bachelors is 4 years and associates is 2 years and the BSN gets paid a bit more because they have management and leadership courses incorporated into their curriculum, where as the 2 year ADN programs do not. They both do the same jobs though. The LVN/PNs do one year preparation and are the ones who do the same things as the RN, just without th e extensive training. There were probably many instances where a nurse took care of you and was an LVN/PN and you did not even realize it! So maninly, nurses are nurses, the difference is the schooling, whether one, two, or four years. Well, that's the breakdown. So now that you have the nursing 411, let me continue my story...

Well, I just took the NCLEX-PN and PASSED! Yay! I can officially say that I am a nurse now! The coolest thing is that I did not just pass, I aced it! The test is not your typical test. It's a computer test and they spit out questions at you based on how you did on your last question. The test gives you a minimum of 85 questions and a maximum of 205 questions. After they've given you 85 questions and can determine with 95% accuracy that you have failed or passed, then the test stops. If by 85 questions, the test cannot determine for certain if you have definitely passed or failed, they keep spitting questions to you. When the exam can determine for sure whether you have failed or passed, it stops. That can be at 100 questions or 150 or up to the maximum of 205 questions. Well, guess what? Mine stopped at 85. Which either meant I'm so stupid that the test already determined I failed and wouldn't let me continue because there was no redeeming myself. Or it determined that I was already way pass the passing standard.

Needless to say, I was a wreck. I thought for sure I failed. The HESI exam really killed my confidence in myself. It's crazy because I've always done well in school. In high school I was in the top 5% of my class (number 50 out of 900 students). In college my GPA was 3.9 out of 4.0. In nursing school, I never had to repeat any courses, like many of my classmates. I always did well in my clinicals. That stupid HESI just kicked my butt. I never thought I would be in the situation that I would fail such an important exam and not get to graduate. But this is a turning point for me. I ACED my first exam with Excelsior. I ACED my NCLEX-PN exam. And to top it off, the Excelsior program is 8 classes. So I am supposed to have 7 classes left but if I have an LVN/PN license then I can omit another class so I have 6 classes left! WAHOO!

Anyways, Christopher told me that this blog is too long and I need to wrap it up. So just want to tell everyone that life is good for me right now and I am PSYCHED!

I'm armed and ready to take on the world

Guess what? I found a solution to my nursing problem. It's great! I won't bore everyone with details but I am psyched! I am so glad everything is working out. It truly makes me believe that everything is working out for a reason. I will be doing my LVN exam in about 2 months. I will also be starting this RN program and will have my RN in as little as 6 months if I want, depending on how much time I want to put into the program. It puts me a little bit behind from where I wanted to be by now but when I look at the big picture I keep thinking, I'm only 23 years old (well, I will be on May 9). I have so much ahead of me, I'm just a baby...as someone said to me yesterday. Haha. Anyways, I really am glad that I am getting the opportunity to get my RN license and to do it in such a short time. So there is a happy ending to my story and the best part is, all those sayings are true..."What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" I am a better, stronger person having gone through what I did. And I will be a better, stronger nurse. Yippee!

So what now?

I've had a couple days to deal with not passing HESI.

I began by feeling like I should jump off a bridge and just die. It was the worst feeling. I literally felt like my life was over. What was I going to do with my life now? I was dealing with my inadequacies as a nurse. I felt like a failure to all my loved ones that were rooting for me. I watched as my dreams of working as a nurse faded away. All the dreams...the wonderful thoughts of making a difference in the lives of others...the thoughts of being a productive member of society...the thought of being able to say I'm a nurse and not just a student. I looked forward to being an adult. I thought about buying something nice for the people that have taken care of me so long. Maybe take my mom out to dinner for Mother's Day and pay for it with my own hard earned money and not the money she gave me...haha. I thought about buying something really nice for Christopher's mom and dad who have always treated me as their own. But that all flew out the window when I finished my HESI test and got my results...I didn't pass.

I was flooded with thought of what I was going to do with my life. For as long as I can remember, this is all I've ever wanted. I never changed majors. I didn't go into this field because of the money or the job outlook, I went into this wanting to do it for what it is...helping others. So does this mean I'm not meant to be a nurse? Or maybe too stupid to be a nurse? What is it?

Well some time has passed since those thoughts and I've moved pass my "Just Kill Me" stage...I moved into the "What can I do now" stage. With the help of Christopher's wise and encouraging words (as well as everyone else's support) I've peeled myself off from the concrete and have gotten up and taken a look around. I've realized that my life is not over. Yeah, I would have loved to have finished my degree already but I am still young, I still can get my BSN. I want this too bad to just take the wimpy way out and say forget it. I'm gonna keep trying. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger. I think all this will make me a stronger person and a better nurse. One thing is for sure, I will never take advantage of my career when I become a nurse. I am looking into other nursing programs and hoping that someone will let me transfer all the nursing courses that I took at TWU and maybe will give me a degree through their program. I'm starting to look at this from the perspective that this all happened for a reason. Maybe I need a little more schooling to be that Super Nurse that I want to be. Because I don't want to just be a nurse...I want to be the best nurse that I can be (as corny as that sounds...haha)

I still have my sad moments and wishing that things turned out differently but I am learning to deal with the cards I was dealt. I am learning to see that this worked out for the best...even though it is REALLY hard to see that right now.